DO NOT WANT: The chair what sends the Eames’ graves a-spinnin’

30 Mar

Of hundreds of chairs I’ve made over the years I think this might be my personal favorite. Matte grey painted curved plywood structure with bright almost mirrored silver faux crocodile fabric. No animals were harmed in the making of this mid century Eames inspired lounge chair.

(Original Etsy post)
* * *

I’ve seriously stared at this Etsy post for about 5 minutes, not really having the words to express how I feel. Truly, this is the Heart of Darkness of furniture, with nothing to be uttered but “The horror … the horror.”

The breakdowns in logic one must trace to explain the synthesis of this chair are unimaginable to most normal people – but I will attempt to, nonetheless.

One must begin with a personal aesthetic that is a Studio 54 coke-binge-meets-painting the sides of a battleship, and then possess balls the size of small moons to apply such a thing to THE most iconic piece of form-and-function furniture. So, to his/her credit, this person’s hubris scale is off the charts.

Layered bent ply not doing it for you? PAINT IT GRAY. Black leather a bit too “classy?” PUT A ROBOT ALLIGATOR ON IT. And then, in a move that is considered sexual assault in 42 U.S. states, price the abomination you have birthed at $1,500 smackaroos. Kind of hard to wrap your head around, is it not?

The description ends with the cheeky missive “no animals were harmed in the making of this mid century Eames inspired lounge* chair.* ” Perhaps true, but how many puppies and kitties will die deaths of fear and shame just laying their innocent lil’ eyes on this chair? There’s no real way to tell.

*I think it’s important to note I don’t consider this a ‘lounge’ or a ‘chair.’

Guest Writer Alan L. (Lover of 1960′s dollhouses)

Thanks to the PDX Picker Chris for sending us this treasure! Or .. lack there of!

9 Responses to “DO NOT WANT: The chair what sends the Eames’ graves a-spinnin’”

  1. sean laduke March 30, 2012 at 3:30 pm #

    Eeeegads! Looks like something from a bad Sci-Fi Porno!

    • Serene March 30, 2012 at 3:40 pm #

      Hahaha! Right? There is definitely a .. strange sexual energy coming from this thing. Be it negative? Yes. It be.

  2. Chris March 30, 2012 at 3:35 pm #

    Oh the horror!!! Thanks for bringing this evil deed into the light. Hopefully you have shamed the offener away from a life of furniture related crime. Thanks for the nod.

    • Serene March 30, 2012 at 3:44 pm #

      Thanks again Chris — for sacrificing your eyes and senses to send us this truly painful work of awful. Keep ’em coming..

  3. iviedesign March 30, 2012 at 3:43 pm #

    best do not want ever. holy crap that is tragic…

  4. Rebecca March 30, 2012 at 4:10 pm #

    But I always wanted to sit on a disco ball inspired chair. Of course, I might bleed but life can be dangerous at times.

  5. Brandi W March 30, 2012 at 5:33 pm #

    The matte grey shell doesn’t bother me, but that alligator… at first I didn’t twig to it being silver, as I thought I was looking at bad reflections. Even a normal-color alligator upholstery would be a Bad Thing.

  6. Kevin March 30, 2012 at 6:07 pm #

    Holy gross! I’ve been seeing a lot of this kind of crap lately.

  7. Art X Nullality March 31, 2012 at 7:56 am #

    I love it, it’s a remarkably unique and hideous piece that probably won’t fit anywhere without drawing attention to itself. I want it even if I have to leave it in a dark room by itself for most of the day.

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