Do Not Want: Herman Miller’s worst nightmare

23 Jan
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Usually when one reads the words “Herman Miller sectional” on this website one would feel a combination of joy and elation in a deal well-found.
PLEASE ALLOW ME TO SHATTER THIS IDEAL FOR YOU, READERS.
Presenting: The Herman Miller Sectional that makes dogs puke when they see it.
My first impression upon viewing this ad was a sickeningly pink tone reminiscent of cell structure or pig intestines – some thing or another I hated from high school biology. The poster is quick to mention that the couch was ‘reupholstered in the 90’s” as if its current condition is somehow benefited by this fact.
Apparently the sofa has lived most of its life in the hands of his/her grandmother, who is either dead or very, very disappointed.
The poster mentions the abuse by the cats but does not seem to indicate who or what exactly bled out on the far end of the sofa to create such a horrendous stain. (They say it’s water, but we know the truth.)
Finally, after demanding the full price and not offering any help with delivery, the poster continues their extreme audacity by saying that they might “cry when it leaves.”
Cry? CRY?
Did you cry for the 7 years you let your cats use this as their feces harem?
Did you cry when you found the nest of raccoons underneath the third cushion?
Did you cry when George Nelson HIMSELF got stabbed and died while hanging out in your gross garage?
For shame, sir or madam. For shame.
… All that said, for 100 bucks, it’s a pretty good start to a project if you first KILL IT WITH FIRE and then begin from the frame up.
By Alan L. (lover of 1960’s doll houses)
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3 Responses to “Do Not Want: Herman Miller’s worst nightmare”

  1. Christina January 23, 2013 at 9:52 pm #

    Hah! How horrendous. Thank you for giving me a good laugh.

  2. Marcus January 24, 2013 at 4:54 pm #

    Also, it’s not actually a Herman Miller. I think the logic was something like “mid-century = Eames era = Eames = Herman Miller.”

  3. tcolson75 January 27, 2013 at 8:19 pm #

    I saw this ad and thought the same thing. So Sad:(

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