Tag Archives: do not want

DO NOT WANT: Poopwood

22 Oct

Retro Dining set (cute) 65.00 – $65 (citrus heights)

cute retro dining set. 4 chairs glass table.

(Original Post)
*  *  *

This table and chairs makes the do-not-want list mainly due to the unmitigated gall of the poster using the word cute (twice!) to describe it.

That said, since the original ad was otherwise lacking in descriptive quality, I’ve gone ahead and made some edits and fired them off. Hopefully he/she will update the listing soon.

“For sale is a super cute retro table and chairs! The table dates from 1987 and is finely crafted in solid Tennessee poopwood with a stunning vintage patina and several large food stains. The beveled glass insert is newly auto-tinted. The totally comfy chairs are made of wrought iron and chocolate pudding. Sorry, oddly placed beach towel not included. All offers considered, it’s got to go!”

Do Not Want guest writer Alan “Lover of 1960’s dollhouses” L.

DO NOT WANT: Mid-Century Vanity Chair

27 Jan

With guest writer, Alan L.


(Original Post)

Finally, a chair that says “I love the inside of an animal cell,” or failing that, “assorted pig organs.” The not-quite completely clashing scheme of yellow and “placenta pink” keep the eye darting around like a magic eye puzzle, dizzily tr…ying to find some hidden smiling face or sailing ship in the fabric or, at least, an answer to the question, “why?” 

Other bold moves include the asymmetrical heart-shaped backer, the sturdy wrought-iron legs, and the $100 price tag.

On the plus side, you could use it to bash someone’s skull in and get away with it, because the cops will be too busy puking to ever dust it for prints.

Available now, and forever, in Glen Park.

Click for more Do Not Want horrors for the eyes

DO NOT WANT: Holy Disco Coke Storm

21 Jan

So the estate of either a 70’s Bachelor or a nouveau riche Mediterranean family was purchased by this Craigslist seller from an estate sale a year ago. Sadly I was hoping this was where the couch had lived for the past 4 decades, on beige floor tiles in a non-offensively neutral villa.

At first glance I imagine the years past this couch has seen; coked up pillow fights of blonde feathered-haired girls in gold lamé bikinis, as bronzed men with pillowy tufts of chest hair sit on the chair arms and adjust their lapels.

Just as this couch unfolds – into a bed.. so does its sordid history.

The 70’s came and went. From luxurious, decadent parties, to solitary days spent with only the couch’s bachelor owner. The California winters never seemed so cold and lonely. Never feeling the loving touch or snuggle of a woman or child, the couch sat on in stoic silence. Together they grew old, outdated. Their once finer and appreciated qualities now seen as laughably poor taste and design.

It wasn’t until the 2000’s when there was a time of renewal. The couch’s owner met a nice woman, a fat-butted social worker, who adored shabby chic. (Yeah, I know the seller bought it from an estate sale – but this is just a nicer spin on the story.) Her curio and cupboards full of porcelain figurines moved in, his framed Nascar posters from early 80’s moved out. The couch just had to go.

The couch is now an item of irony and oddity – a throwback to the days of disco and southwest inspired beige upholstery.

For sale now on Craigslist for the meager price of $160.00. Or, as the seller declares, “would not mind trading for medium quality electric guitar and/or Flip Video camcorder and/or SNOWSHOES?”

DO NOT WANT: Reupholstered Eames-Style Lounge Chair aka THE HORROR

28 Sep

HOW COULD YOU!? I MEAN HONESTLY, HOW BAD COULD IT HAVE BEEN?! REALLY?

(Original Post) I found this a few days ago and SAVED the photo – thank god – because they reposted this ad without it. Gee, I wonder why. Maybe because of the barrage of angry e-mails cluttering up their inbox with the body of the e-mails simply stating “YOU BASTARD.”

The “upholstery” is either something that was scraped off a casino floor in the Flower Lounge or forcibly removed from an obese Hawaiian man’s closet. (What is he going to wear on Friday nights now!?) Please note – the matching pillow with pink fringe. To complete the transformation from one of the most iconic and well known styles of lounge chair in the world to “crazy aunt Irma needs to take a comfy sit-down after playing Gin Rummy while petting her ill-tempered rat terrier ‘Lizette’.”

Craigslist: DO NOT WANT

22 Sep

:| Hmm. So. We’re all in agreement that the “front view” of said steelcase chair has an uncanny resemblance to a “terlitt.” Right?

DO NOT WANT: …Rattan. Just can’t do it, guys.

20 Sep

(Original Post) $325.00 to complete all you Tiki God and Goddesses’ “lounges” and “pads.” I’m sorry, I just cannot like rattan, wicker, or tiki style. It’s the basis for all things kitschy and tacky, in my opinion.

I might have extra reason to hate the “bamboo eye torture,” though. My dad was born and raised in Hawaii and loved putting knick-knacks and schlock that reminded him of “da islands” around our house. A hollowed-out musical gourd sitting next to my embarrassing childhood photos. SHUDDEERR. Of course – no disrespect to my Dad’s heritage and culture, but everyone secretly hates their parent’s decor choices, right? We even had one entire wall in our living room covered in this thin woven grass material. How can you even buy that? The whole wall! Floor to ceiling! It got water damage and the cat used the wicker wall as a scratching post – she’d disappear behind a soji screen and you’d hear her clawing at it until someone would throw a well-guided shoe or household slipper behind the screen and she’d run out of the room. Ugh, it just all brings back so many bad design memories.

Rattan makes me think of Elvis Presley. Who in my mind is – sure – The King, but the King of clutter and bad baste. During the middle of the century’s infatuation with tropical paradises and dreams of sand between their toes, they adopted this terrible idea that their home in an American suburb could echo the far off island flavor. I blame those dreams for this:

YIKES!! AHH!

Ok, so this is better:

Good lines, nice wood – but.. still just too beachy keen for me.

DO NOT WANT: OH GOD THESE “LOUNGE CHAIRS!”

11 Sep

What!? These have been listed over and over and over again for well over 3 months? Are you kidding? Nobody wants to sit in a disco dentist chair in their own home? You don’t want to rent a flat-bed truck to drive to this weirdo’s house and pick up a sarcophagus/slug that you sit on? You say you don’t want to find out first hand what this thing smells like?

NO. No you don’t. Nobody does. Ever. INCOMING CAPSLOCK!

(Original Post)
HERE ARE SOME COOL JETSON STYLE CHAIRS IN VERY GOOD ORIGINAL CONDITION STAR TREK HAS NOTHING ON THESE CHAIRS FEATURE 45 DEGREE SWIVEL BASE BACK RECLINES ADJUSTABLE HEADREST WOULD MAKE A GREAT ADDITION TO YOUR RETRO DECR LIVING ROOM GAME ROOM,DEN,SUNROOM,STRAIGHT FROM THE JET AGE ERA SOLD AS IS 510-333-3650 DAYS

I love the addition of “DAYS” to the phone number. Get it! Oh hey, this guys a jokester. Because you couldn’t tell by his taste in seating. I can only imagine he is getting rid of these beauties because there’s some bad mojo attached to them. Y’know, like they’re posessed by satan. A pea-soup green satan.

Just in case you can’t imagine what it’d be like to live with this thing, here is a visual aid.

You’re welcome.

Craigslist’s DO NOT WANT.

1 Sep

A section for all those awful posts that keep reappearing on my radar listed under vintage, danish, retro, and everything else good – that are just plain uggs and “DO NOT WANT.” Usually these items are priced a bit more than I’d ever damn pay, look like they’ve been used by the family cat as a scratching and urinating post, or are just plain miscategorized. AND KEEP SHOWING UP!

UGGHHHH. THE MERRRRSMAN. (Original Post)

This thing keeps popping up under “This antique Danish modern coffee table” – okay maybe it’s Danish, but a lot of things are. Danish people for example. Yes. Those pastries, yknow the ones – those are Danish too. I don’t care if this thing was sat on by a Danish King and he took a Danish crap on it – it ain’t danish modern. BUT THAT OVERSTUFFED COUCH BEHIND IT SURE IS! A steal at $70.00 of your hard earned money.

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